Does Gentle Parenting have a Good Outcome on Adolescents' Behavior?

Does Gentle Parenting have a Good Outcome on Adolescents’ Behavior? 

By: Karina Murillo

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Parenting styles play a major role in constructing a child’s emotional and behavioral development. Many parents believe that the best way of discipling their child is through yelling at them, being strict, and just overall being an authoritarian parent. In reality, it’s the complete opposite as that method just creates fear for adolescents, resulting in negative outcomes. In fact, being strict has poor outcomes that include having an increase of anxiety on kids and can cause them to be more aggressive. While being strict might work for a bit it is something that won’t last for the long run when kids become teenagers as they can learn to become defiant. Children being afraid of their parents is what makes them behave, is the idea of the authoritarian parenting style, but for the long run it won’t be useful as this type of parenting style tends to have negative results. On the other hand, gentle parenting is when emphasizing empathy, respect and understanding, and it is completely different than authoritarian type parenting. With gentle parenting, kids feel safe in their environment, while also behaving right. The reason for this is that parents create a space where their kids feel comfortable being in. When they are in a safe environment kids tend to be more loving towards their parents. Gentle parenting has become a popular topic question of whether it is something beneficial for adolescents’ behavior, as newly parents don’t have enough knowledge of the benefits of gentle parenting. Unlike authoritative parenting, which can rely on firm rules and punishments, gentle parenting emphasizes teaching self-regulation, emotional regulation, and the reduce of behavioral problems, leading to enhanced adjustments in adulthood.

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The outcomes of adolescents’ behaviors are an important part of when they are growing up as they learn how to behave and understand what’s wrong and what’s right in what they are doing. This is where gentle parenting comes into play by reducing behavioral problems. According to Allison P Danzig from the National Library of Medicine, her findings from longitudinal studies examine, the association between positive parenting and child social functioning. This study shows how higher levels of parental positivity during the preschool years predicts fewer “child behavior problems”. Another, result Danzig shares, is how they have greater social competence, and more positive outcomes upon school-entry. Although in some cases, children temperament can also play a huge part of their behavior. Danzig states that, kids that show temperament and a parents’ style of parenting can have an interactive effect on children’s behavioral outcomes. Parents who show low-sensitivity or provided fewer opportunities for productive activity reported that infants with difficult temperament were more likely to have behavioral problems. This shows that no matter whether kids grow up with parents who are gentle or not, it depends on whether kids have a temperament or not. The research also shows that toddlers with difficult temperament who had highly positive parenting were less aggressive. Overall kids who have a more temperament is because they had less of a gentle parenting. Meaning that they were showed less affection during their early childhood.

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Gentle parenting also promotes a positive outcome on emotional regulation. Research done by Taylor Biscontini from Social-Science-and-Humanities, found that when children act out the parent is “required to adjust their expectations accordingly”, and parents need to remain compassionate and calm while doing so. In this situation parents choose to examine why their child is acting the way they are. Biscontini also states that “if child’s reasons for acting out can be fixed parents may solve them together, . . . and if cannot immediately be addressed, the parent should coach the child through methods of dealing with their feelings in a healthy manner.” When parents model calm and empathetic responses their child is more likely to have a more positive outcome on emotional regulations, says Biscontini. If that child were to face with complicated situations at school that, child would most likely remain calm, just like their parents taught them to. In another study done by Anne E. Pezalla from the National Library of Medicine, mentions that a 40- year-old mother of two children ages 7 months and 3 years old noted that “gentle parenting means being aware of the words I use, the tone of my voice, and taking deep breathes and stating, ‘I’m frustrated’ instead of just showing the emotion” (7). She mentions that this emotional regulation not only works for her but also her children as they are learning that this is the correct way to manage their own feelings. Another study done by Pezalla mentions that a 36-year-old mother of two children ages 1 and 3 describes as her gentle parenting as “helping my kids understand how their feelings can impact themselves and those around them so that they can build healthy coping skills” (7). This way of presently validating and listening to their kids’ emotional experiences teaches kids a way where they are able to regulate their own emotions. In Children’s Wisconsin, Becky Verdin says that “finding a parenting method that fits your personal and family values can be challenging.” This means that trying many methods until you find a best one that works for you and your kid’s behavioral regulation can be challenging but at the end it will help your kids with better behavioral regulation. Then Verdin follows up with saying that “gentle parenting involves responding to challenging behaviors in ways that demonstrate empathy, show understanding and set firm boundaries.” By using a system that supports both parents and children, kids learn effective emotional regulation, leading to positive outcomes. In gentle parenting, emotional regulation is a key component for better outcomes.

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Further on, besides emotional regulation, one significant advantage that gentle parenting provides is the ability to improve trust and better communication between parents and their children. According to Dr. Sara Coffey from the Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, parenting is one of the hardest jobs any parent must do but “gentle parenting, in my experience, is based on mutual respect,” said Coffey. With authoritarian parenting it takes the opportunity of teaching and guiding behavioral problems of children causing them to be more aggressive. However, on the other hand with gentle parenting one of the best things that can happen Coffey says is “connection and understanding between parent and child is something parents can lead on.” In other words, by making changes in parenting your kids in a healthier way it can foster a stronger environment and sense of connection in children. Working through problems is a fundamental way for kids to know when or how to communicate their feelings. This makes a child feel more connected and feel trustworthy of their own parents. In another research done by Ana Katharina Schaffner from Positive Psychology talks about the approach that gentle parenting has on positive communication rather than punishment. When a parent knows how to communicate with their children about their behavior this brings the children to be more compassionate with their parents. Schaffner talks about how building a connection that is strong and positive with kids is fundamental. As it allows for “open communication”; which is all about creating a safe space where kids feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings and experiences without the fear of judgement or punishment. This method creates trust between parents and kids as they grow up.

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Some people argue that gentle parenting can lead to adolescents who lack consistent discipline and have difficulty with self-regulation, which is a misunderstanding that some parents have. An analysis from Bay Area CBT Center showed how a popular misunderstanding from parents is that gentle parenting “equates to permissive parenting.” This means that kids are allowed to do anything with no consequences. Which is false, gentle parenting is about understanding kids’ emotion and knowing how to maintain kids’ behavioral regulation. Although gentle parenting is not for everyone it does not mean it does not work. Another misconception other parents have with the style of parenting is that it is an “inconsistent discipline method.” That means that is inconsistent of having the same routine of being considerate with their children and understanding them. This only happens when parents don’t agree on what parenting style, they both want to do. Which causes kids confusion “impacting their emotional development leading to behavioral problems.” This situation happens a lot with divorced or separated parents that don’t know which parenting style to do. A significant challenge of gentle parenting is the potential lack of firm boundaries states the analysis from Bay Area CBT Center. Gentle parenting consists of emphasizing on giving choices rather than orders making it hard for kids to understand the importance of rules and expectations says the Bay Area CBT Center. However, these concerns overlook the fact that gentle parenting emphasizes the teaching of self-regulation and problem-solving skills, rather than avoiding discipline.

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Ultimately, gentle parenting leads to a positive adolescent’s behavioral outcome. By promoting emotional empathy, respect and understanding. Through communicating with empathy and being consistent through parental guidance. Kids grow up to being taught how to regulate their behavior for when they turn into adolescents, and they can be responsible for their choices. Gentle parenting offers stability that prepares them for healthy relationships weather it is at school or out in public. It also makes adolescents be more prepare so they can be responsible for adulthood. Unlike authoritative parenting, which can rely on firm rules and punishments, gentle parenting emphasizes teaching self-regulation, emotional regulation, and the reduce of behavioral problems, leading to enhanced adjustments in adulthood.

Works Cited 

Biscontini, Taylor. “Gentle Parenting: Research Starters: EBSCO Research.” EBSCO, 2024, www.ebsco.com/research-starters/social-sciences-and-humanities/gentle-parenting. 

CBT Center, Bay Area. “How Gentle Parenting Reinforces Bad Behavior.” Bay Area CBT Center, 26 June 2024, bayareacbtcenter.com/gentle-parenting/. 

Danzig, Allison P, et al. “Positive Parenting Interacts with Child Temperament and Negative Parenting to Predict Children’s Socially Appropriate Behavior.” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, U.S. National Library of Medicine, May 2015, pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5560516/. 

Mikles, Natalie, and Sara Coffey. “Gentle Parenting and Other Parenting Styles.” TulsaKids Magazine, 26 Aug. 2024, www.tulsakids.com/gentle-parenting-positive-discipline-which-approach-is-best-for-you/. 

Pezalla, Anne E., and Alice J. Davidson. “‘Trying to Remain Calm...but I Do Reach My Limit Sometimes’: An Exploration of the Meaning of Gentle Parenting.” PLoS ONE, vol. 19, no. 7, July 2024, pp. 1–19. EBSCOhost, doi-org.columbiabasin.idm.oclc.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0307492.

Schaffner, Anna Katharina. “Unleashing the Power of Gentle Parenting (& 3 Examples).” Unleashing the Power of Gentle Parenting, 27 Mar. 2024, positivepsychology.com/gentle-parenting/. 

Verdin, Becky. “A Gentle Hand: How to Raise Healthy, Resilient Children.” Children’s Wisconsin, 28 July 2023, childrenswi.org/at-every-turn/stories/2023/07/gentle-parenting.