Are Smartphones Ruining Romantic Relationships?

Are Smartphones Ruining Romantic Relationships?

If you take a look around it is clear to see that our smartphones are basically glued to our hands nowadays, that can make it hard not to wonder about what these devices are doing to our relationships and more importantly our romantic relationships. Some people may think that the constant notifications, new social media posts, and communication over a smartphone may be the cause of some distress in romantic relationships. Others seem to believe that our smartphones give us more ways to communicate, share our lives, and stay in touch with friends, family or partners that we share a long distance with. There are many mixed opinions, and lots of real life examples for each side. So that leaves me asking this question, are smartphones ruining romantic relationships?

Let’s break this down first and think about how we fit our phones into our everyday relationships. They are nice to help communicate with someone instantly, share moments through pictures, plan dates, and just stay in touch with those we love. While others see them as constant notifications or distractions, and all of the pressure that comes with social media. By digging in and taking a deeper look at both the downsides and upsides, we can come to a conclusion on if smartphones are hurting romantic relationships or if they are only making them better.

 Perspective #1: Are Smartphones Ruining our Romantic Relationships

Our first perspective that we are taking a look at believes that smartphones are ruining romantic relationships. One major thing that is believed is that “Phubbing” which is a term that means one person in the relationship might “phubb” their partner by paying more attention to their smartphone than their partner. In the article “Are Smartphones Ruining our Romantic Relationships?” by Vision Physiology, they did some research into phone usage in relationships. There was a study that had 170 college students in it who were involved in committed relationships. The article goes on to say this, "participants who were dependent on their mobile phones reported having uncertainty when it came to their romantic partners. On the other side of this, individuals who reported partners that were overly dependent on their devices, felt less relationship satisfaction”. We get into such a habit of using our phones for anything, it is very easy to get sucked in and doom scroll on social media; we don't always realize the effects of doing so while in a romantic relationship. The article talks about the conflict that occurs when using your phone too much. It talks about how “phubbing” is a universal problem in relationships; in the article it says “couples reporting that one partner’s excessive use of their smartphone influences feelings of mistrust, has an impact on feelings of togetherness”. If someone was previously in a relationship that had infidelity and their current partner was always on their phone texting. That may lead to some past trauma feelings coming back. The uncertainty of what they are doing may lead to anxiety and overthinking.  It will lead to a wedge in the relationship, small fights or comments about the constant phone use; which will eventually lead to something much bigger. Later on in the Vision Physiology it talks about how smartphone overuse in relationships is now even a topic in couples counseling. It goes on to give some ways to help the situation if it comes to it. Some things it shared was to “Turn your phone off or set it to ‘do not disturb’”, “leave your phone in another room”, and to “set a schedule”. This gives you the chance to spend one on one quality time with your significant other. Phones in a relationship can be good with moderation. Not being on your phone as much when you're with your partner can reassure them. But sometimes people even begin to believe “they're not on their phone they might be hiding something”, so it all comes with its limits and it's just trying to find a balance between them.

Perspective #2: Examining the Ways Our Smartphones Affect our Relationships

This opposing side believes that smartphones don’t necessarily ruin relationships.  Dr. Marisa Cohen wrote this article; she is a relationship scientist, marriage and family therapist. Cohen makes a strong point when she  says, “ Partners can use them to express affection, as we can connect with one another when not physically in the same place, Smartphones also keep us apprised of one another’s location”. Smartphones help give us the opportunity to connect and stay in touch while apart which is convenient; if you have a long distance relationship things like FaceTime and calling will be huge in your relationship. There are ways to keep the phone usage in a relationship a healthy amount. Cohen also gives more examples on how smartphones can be good in a relationship; she says, “Smartphones can help people keep track of their relationships over time by revisiting pictures or messages from an earlier stage of the partnership”. Our phones hold so many memories because we do use them so much in our everyday lives, looking back at old texts or pictures is something that we are lucky we can do. If you're in a long distance relationship I am sure this is something you do a lot when you're missing your person.

Similarities and Differences

After taking a look at both articles some similarities that I have found between the two were the fact that they both agreed to remove the temptation. In the article Examining the Ways Our Smartphones Affect Our Relationships Cohen even says, “If you mindlessly go to grab the phone, remove it as an option by putting it in another room or space”. That also happened to be a point of Vision Physiology. Both articles also talked about the importance of communication around our smartphones. Cohen says that you need to be able to communicate with your partner when you want to spend that quality time with them. She gives an example, “‘let’s put the phones away for a while’”. Letting your significant other know that you want to spend face to face time with them. Some differences in  the articles would be that the second article by Cohen says that smart phones are good and can help you know your partner's location. That could be through Life360, it could be through Snapchat. But the problem with Snapchat is that you can see when a person is active and where their location is. But I know a lot of people, especially my age. We see that our significant other is currently active but they are not responding to us. That causes a lot of issues in relationships for teenagers I think. The second article believes that smart phones are good and can help us share things on social media and stay in touch with friends or family that may not live close to us. While the first article believes that having smart phones giving us access to social media is actually more damaging to our relationships. There are dating apps, going through peoples following, going through peoples likes on TikTok , and even TikTok repost. There are so many things nowadays that can give us access to people's information and their feelings and that can cause a lot of drama in relationships. I don't know if I would say that one article was more believable than the other but I think they both provided great information about the topic.

Strength and Weaknesses

A couple strengths to having a smart phone in a relationship would be when you're long distance being able to FaceTime, call, and communicate and share moments with each other even though you can't be directly with one another. Another strength of having a phone is to be able to see locations and make sure your significant other is getting home safe. A couple weaknesses would be the social media and the unknown of people cheating on dating apps and all that that can happen through a phone which can cause a lot of relationship problems. The main weakness is just people choosing their phone over their partner and their partner feeling excluded and feeling like they're not getting the quality time that they need when they're with you.

Compromise and Personal Thoughts

I personally believe that smart phones are ruining relationships. I feel like after reading both these articlesIt really helped me understand what I can do when I am in a relationship, that’s going to help my partner feel comfortable and not stressed about my phone usage.  I also learned different ways to communicate to my partner if I have a problem with how much they're using their phone. Cohen shared a lot of great examples in her article.I think that  a good middle ground or a compromise between both of the sides would be to communicate with your partner. Make sure you guys have a time dedicated where it's just you two no phones to help keep the relationship happy. At the end of the day it's how much work each person wants to put into the relationship and if you really want to make your relationship work then both people will make  a compromise with their smart phones to help better the relationship.

Works Cited

“Are Smartphones Ruining our Romantic Relationships? “Vision Physiology, Vision Psychology Brisbane, https://www.visionpsychology.com/are-smartphones-ruining-relationships/. 

Cohen, Marisa T. “Smartphones and Connection: Examining the Ways Our Smartphones Affect Our Relationships. “ UScelluar Newsroom, 24, Apr. 2023, newsroom.uscellular.com/smartphone-and-connection-examining-the-ways-our-smartphones-affect-our-relationships/.